Moving Forward While Looking Inward

imageStarting can be a slow process.  I have to remember it’s me that must start not friends, co-workers,or family members.  I say this because keeping focus in a world full of distractions is hard.  I believe one of the hardest things to do is to train your mind to remain focus on your goals and  purpose. Trying not to get caught up in what is going on around you or what you feel is going on around you. Meaning that sometimes your inner man (your counscious) has been skewed by those instances that reminds you of a past experience or feeling (whether good or bad).  These thoughts could either put a fire under and spark excitement and encouraged you or stop your progress for another day.  Knowing who you are (really are) and what you like and don’t like, to what you are capable and not capable of, is so important to your future goals and accomplishments.  I first realized that I didn’t know myself is when I was a junior in college.  A professor asked the class a simple question. The questions was “What is your favorite color”.  I remember saying the colors that I heard so many people say…red.  But after I said that I thought I don’t like that color. I knew at that moment I didn’t know myself.  I remember that same night I sat down and begin to think about all the colors and which one was really my favorite.  I spent hours..I finally landed on “purple” and “light green”. I remember feeling so good.  I know you might say “really all that over a color”. It was much more than a color to me it was getting in touch for the first time with “ME”.
The question is how does one live a life yet does not have no idea about who they are.  And this is my answer to that question.  My disclaimer, “I am not a psychiatrist or Psychologist”, but I have lived to share many things that a book can’t teach you.  Well back to how does one live a life with no relationship with oneself.  One could have lived in a home that conversations with family members was none existent, where no one asked you about your opinion or if you liked anything. You were told to do this or that by family, neighbors, and teachers.  So when a child doesn’t have the opportunity to tell you what they like or don’t like they never get a chance to measure what they say or think against anything.  They just do and think what they are told. All through elementary, middle school, and high school not one teacher or counselor ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up or told me that I was smart or good in math.  Well, one teacher by the name of Mr. Thompson (Jr. High) used to call me Sexy Sue.    I didn’t realize until later that he thought that he was doing me a favor by calling me that and thought that I was a very smart young lady.  But, I was young and took him at his word.  So all I knew was that I was cute.  Side Note: “Cute doesn’t pay the bills..If you are legit”   Due to these circumstances, I realized I had no training to know who I was, to understand what I liked and didn’t like.  I didn’t know I was great in math until I enrolled in Jr. College and took the entry test and tested out of math… I went straight to Calculus making 100% on every test.  The funny thing about that is that I didn’t think that was good or bad. I really thought because I did it everyone must can do it.  After all, I’m not special, I’m a nobody.  This was so ingrained in my head that when the professor wanted to pay me to tutor other students I thought he was just picking fun at me.   Unfortunately, this one of many instances that I experienced until the day I was asked what was my favorite color.  I guess the morale of this story is in order to start and continue on your journey you must understand why you do what you do and have faith in who you serve (My belief is in God) and therefore have faith in who you are.  Until next time, Stay focused and look inward.

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